Blog

I just wanted to say thank you to my friends. I'm actually kind of surprised to reflect that I have many friends, here on the Oregon coast and all over the planet. I'm so grateful. Not having friends for the majority of the first 23 years of my life, combined with the unique trauma I … Continue reading I Have Friends

I am realizing I need to change my associations and relationship with failure. I haven't wanted to look at it. From way too early I was intensely shamed for making a mistake of any kind, and told that a mistake was proof that I wasn't listening, that I was rebellious, that I was out from … Continue reading Embracing Failure

You are all parts of you: the healed and the healing, the powerful and the timid, the confident and the hesitant. It's okay to be "inconsistent." Sometimes people think I am living in the past when I talk about my trauma. And I don't blame them, I get tired of it too. But there are … Continue reading Healing is Messy

I wish there was a way to relay what it's like living with Complex PTSD. I am sure it's super confusing and frustrating for those around me. I swear I'm not being dramatic. I'm not being petty. I just instantly go into self-destruct mode, and want to not exist. Imagine a soft-hearted, empathic little boy … Continue reading Like a Trick Knee

What makes a sheltered homeschooled boy choose to go to massage school? More than you might think. My dad started asking me to massage his feet when I was three. I was very eager to please, and I gave the best foot rubs I could. (I found out years later that he asked the same … Continue reading Why Massage?

This is a version of the death I must die to live the life I long to live. In the past, yes, things were brutal, and I did so good making the best of it. I was unseen, unheard, unwanted in many aspects of my reality. But if I carry-on approaching life from those feeling … Continue reading Unmade, and Remade

I spent the first 22-23 years of my life becoming a highly skilled empath as I developed Complex-PTSD in an abusive home. As a result I was dealing with multiple stress related health issues, including hypothyroid and hypo-adrenia, resulting in extreme fatigue and inability to build muscle. I wanted to get healthier and stronger, but … Continue reading Empathy, C-PTSD, and Health

Do you know how being an empath effects health and fitness? Being empathic means you are highly in-tune with the emotional experience others are having around you, sometimes so much so that you aren't even "in" your own experience. This ability is often developed through traumatic experiences, and may accompany the development of Complex PTSD. … Continue reading Empaths and Fitness

My younger self asked to be loved a little deeper this week, and it has been overwhelming. I didn't realize how much I was still rejecting aspects of me. Little Kylar got in trouble for crying, being scared, for needing comfort. So I choose to agree with that treatment and despise myself every time I … Continue reading Loving Little Kylar