I Have Friends

I just wanted to say thank you to my friends. I’m actually kind of surprised to reflect that I have many friends, here on the Oregon coast and all over the planet. I’m so grateful. Not having friends for the majority of the first 23 years of my life, combined with the unique trauma I experienced that most can’t relate to or comprehend, has left me with a lingering feeling that I am alone, and that friendship is a precarious illusion, something that could vanish in an instant. Patterns of using my empathic abilities to keep everyone happy around me overwhelm me and sometimes I disappear from people and conversations because the pressure feels too much. Other times it is because I don’t have many experiences of being respected, of having my boundaries honored, and I back away. I know this is frustrating and confusing, but sometimes life and my wounds really are too much. But I was reflecting with awe today, that I have pickleball buddies, and volleyball buddies, and buddies I go to the theater with, and friends I see at the gym, spiritual family, and massage clients, and many, many dear and precious friends. So I thank you for your kindness, your patience, and your love. I get overwhelmed easily, and sometimes I can’t explain why, and I disappear. I appreciate that you love me, and want to be my friends anyway. ✨️

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